You Can’t Be Serious - ‘The good life…’
You Can’t Be Serious – ‘The good life…’

I was driving along in my four-wheel automobile yesterday: Ronan Collins was on the car radio and all seemed well with the world. Then Ronan went and ruined it for me. Now, dear reader, you may very well say that I have little to bother me – and you could be right; but I get paid to tell you how I feel! Our favourite DJ played a request for some ol’ dude who was celebrating his birthday. Ronan said the guy was “eighty years young”. Jazus I hate that expression. I am not 75 years ‘young’: I am 75 years OLD. (With a metabolic age of 59, I wish to inform you – in the interest of fact!)

Language and expressions change all the time in everyday use, but you cannot ‘doctor’ facts, and a person’s age is how old they are.

Now while I’m on this roll: Michael Commons hosts a popular Country Music TV show. Michael doesn’t do ‘requests’, ‘HI’s, ‘hellos’, or any of the normal salutations beloved of TV presenters and their viewers. No, Michael does ‘shout-outs!’ This drives me so mad that Mr Commins has lost me on account of his ‘shout-outs.’

More of those type of annoying expressions are coming into my head as I tap away here.

I hate this gender inclusiveness of calling both male and female groups as ‘guys’ – ‘goys’ as it is pronounced by the uppity. Bar and restaurant staff are the worst offenders. Another ‘beef’ I have with hospitality and shop staff in Ireland when they approach to serve you, is ‘are you OK?’ or ‘are you alright?’ (Well … seeing as you asked, I am awaiting the result of a colonoscopy … but please don’t worry about me!) It’s worse in England, where the title of ‘Luv’ will be added.

‘You Know …’ How many people start a sentence with ‘you know’? No … I don’t bloody know – or there wouldn’t be any need for you to tell me; and if I do know – well then there is no need to tell me either.

And now for one of the worst of all: ‘To be honest with you.’ Ah that’s nice … you are singling me out for a bit of truth-telling – which implies that you have been lying through your teeth to everybody else.

110%: Can any of you – who spent more time in school than I did, please explain how anybody can give 110 per cent to something? A lot of footballers, it appears, ‘leave it all behind them on the field.’ My cows do that as well; you just have to be careful not to step in it.

I used to be sort of OK with ‘Whatever’, but it eventually began to grate with me. It is generally accompanied with a shrug of the shoulders and meant to be so dismissive or letting it be known, ‘I’m above it.’ Very American – and whilst sometimes the Yanks can pull it off, it doesn’t suit our temperament. We are more likely to send the victim on his way with the suggestion that he attempt a physical impossibility!

Another annoying one doing the rounds of smarter people than us is ‘joined up thinking.’ I don’t get it? I understand ‘brain-storming’, ‘sharing,’ ‘exchanges’ ‘meetings’ and so on but what is ‘joined up thinking’? Tell me … if someone asks how my colonoscopy went, and I explain the procedure in detail – and that person responds by telling me about their piles; would that be ‘joined up thinking’?

Anyway, I too am guilty of using an annoying expression – and I cannot seem to be able to cure myself. When somebody is telling me something, no matter how hard I try to stop, I keep interjecting with ‘absolutely …. Absolutely!’ One that I did manage to shed is ‘Literally.’ Like a lot of other people, I have to watch out for ‘I personally.’ When a friend of mine commences with ‘just saying’, I know he is about to tell me something I don’t want to hear – and therefore I don’t like that one either.

‘Think outside the box’, was probably Ok for the first person to think of it and then come out and say it. But Lord Almighty, it is battered to death by now. Those who use it ad infinitum should be ‘put back in their box!’

Donald Trump is a man of few words … very few! This has resulted in cringe-time for me every time he makes an announcement. You know the words – and I won’t repeat them in case I have to put them on my list!

‘Let me say’ or ‘let me finish’ are well-hackneyed tiring expressions as well. Just my Q to exit here …

Don’t Forget

We confess small faults to convey the impression that we have no big ones.

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